The Last Laugh
by Jangobadass
Summary: Luan Loud sets out to pull her greatest prank ever
1. Chapter 1

Fifteen-year-old Luan Loud rode along on her bicycle, pulling a wagon of supplies. It had been her best party ever. Though also her longest and most tiring. Nothing like being the entertainer for quintuplets to keep a girl busy. Lincoln had helped as long as he could, but Luan let him leave when she thought she could handle it on her own. Though it did still end up taking a little longer than she'd originally thought.

At the next crosswalk she got her phone and called Mom. She didn't answer, and it went to her voice mail. Luan shrugged it off. It certainly wouldn't be the first time her mother had been unable to answer.

"Hey, Mom. Sorry I'm running late. Things got even more out of hand than I thought they would. Be home soon."

At the next stop sign she tried calling Dad. Again, she left a message. After all, Lynn Sr. was a busy man. The third time she called the house phone. When no one answered she started to get worried. Someone always answered it. She called Lori, Leni, and Luna, but no one answered. What had been mild concern kept growing. If they'd gone out they would've called to let her know or offered to meet her and pick her up. She called Bobby. She felt some relief that he answered.

"Bobby," she asked, "have you talked to Lori lately?"

"It's the weirdest thing. We were in the middle of texting, and she stopped replying. It's been a while and now I'm on my way to your place to make sure nothing's wrong."

"Thanks. I'll be there soon."

She called the McBrides and luckily Clyde answered.

"Hey, Clyde? Have you talked to Lincoln recently?"

"Sure. We did few hours ago. He even talked about how grateful he was that you let him leave in time to see the trailer for the new Ace Savvy cartoon, but he still felt a little guilty about leaving you by yourself at such a big party."

Luan felt some relief. It quickly vanished with Clyde's next words.

"But after the trailer, I called him but he didn't respond. I tried calling your house, but no one answered, which is very concerning. I'm about to head over there now."

After that Luan peddled faster, even untying the wagon with all her supplies and birthday cake slices to not have the extra weight. She even almost hit some people. Some ambulances and police cars passed her, their lights flashing and sirens blaring. That's when she knew something was wrong.

It was just after dark by the time she got home. The neighborhood was lit up with blue and red lights…and the Loud house was surrounded by yellow tape. Luan's blood ran cold at the sight of the police tape around her house like a yellow and black fence, with ambulances and police cars all along the street, in the driveway and in the yard.

Clyde and Bobby were already there, talking to police officer frantically.

"You have to let me in!" Bobby told her. "My girlfriend lives here!"

"My best friend is in there!" declared Clyde.

"I'm sorry boys, but—hey!"

Luan ducked under the tape and ran past the officer.

"Wait, stop!" the policewoman called to her.

"This is my house!" Luan called back to her.

She ran into the door. Moments later, her screams cut though the air so loudly that half the neighborhood heard her.


	2. Chapter 2

Luan trudged along the sidewalk. Everything around her was a gray haze and all the sounds indistinct. She went into Flip's Food and Fuel for a snack to shut her stomach up. She didn't even pick. She just grabbed something off the shelf where the food was. As she approached the counter, two big men cut her off. The haze lifted slightly as she heard them.

"Wait," Flip said in confusion. "Pay day is next week!"

"Mr. Giuseppe has some big projects coming up," said one of the men, "so he had to move up pay day so he can focus entirely on them. Though we're just letting you know. You have three days."

Flip smiled. "That's no problem. You guys know I'm good for it. I always pay up. Even give all you boys special discounts."

"That reminds me," one the men said as he turned to look around. He saw Luan and frowned. "What are you looking at?" he growled.

"Nothing," she replied, though it came out as "Nugh."

The man grabbed her by her shirt and lifted her off her feet. "What did you say?" he asked as he glared at her

"Don't mind her," Flip told him with a strangely concerned expression. "Poor kid's just stuck in her own little world."

"Say," the other man said in curiosity, "she looks familiar…"

The thuggish duo looked her over. Luan started to tremble at what was coming next.

"Yeah," the man who's recognized her said. "That's the girl from the news a while back. The Last Loud."

Luan didn't have the strength to cry out loud, but the tears streamed down her face. She had wanted to be known for being a great comedian and entertainer. Now she'd be known for something horrible.

"What are you assholes doing to her?!" a new voice said sternly.

Though her tears Luan saw Luna's friend, Sam.

"She's suffered enough," Sam told the goon as she glared at him and stepped toward him. "Just leave her alone."

Sam and the thug glared at each other. Each one looked ready to spring in action.

"Look, look!" Flip said, trying to defuse the situation. "Let's not make a fuss. Just put the kid down and let her be. I'll throw in some free Flippys!"

There was a pause, then Luan dropped to the floor as the goon let her go. Sam rushed to her side to help her up and take her outside.

"Damn Giuseppe thugs," Sam remarked. "It's bad enough they're ruining this town without hurting you." Her expression softened as she hugged Luan. Luan felt some warmth go through her. She put her arms around Sam as she continued to cry. Sam backed up to smile and wipe her tears away. Before she could say anything, Luan's stomach growled. She'd dropped her snack at Flip's.

"Let's got to my place to get you something to eat," Sam told her with a warm smile. "And where are you staying tonight?"

"Uh dunnuh," Luan replied.

"Well, you can stay with us tonight."

Luan just nodded.

Sam called them a taxi to take to the Sharps'. The taxi driver looked back at them in curiosity.

"Say," he said to Luan, "don't I know you from somewhere? You look familiar."

"She gets that a lot," Sam told him.

They arrived at the Sharps' and went inside. Luan wasn't even sure what Sam bought her to eat. She didn't even taste it. But it quieted her stomach. Sam put her on the couch.

"Would you like to watch some TV? Maybe the comedy channel or find some old sitcoms?"

"No," Luan said with some oomph in her voice as she closed her eyes. The comedies and sitcoms she's once loved were now torture to her. Laughter had been her entire life. Now it was gone, like everything else she'd loved.

Sam's expression became sadder as she cradled Luan's face. "Okay. Then you can just lie here for a while until supper, okay?"

Luan nodded. She lay down and covered herself with the blanket Sam bought her. A few minutes later she got off the couch and got behind it, curling up and covering herself with the blanket. She didn't want to be in the way of anyone who needed the couch. Sure enough, the sound of children's voices signaled that Sam's brother Simon and his friends were there. The she tuned them out as they played, watched TV, and worst of all, laughed. Her hearing became more acute when she heard her name.

"Where's Luan?" Sam asked.

"Luan?" Simon asked. "You mean Luan Loud?"

"The las—" another kid started to say.

"Please don't call her that," Sam said, scolding them. "She has to hate that. She doesn't need any or reminders of…what happened. And she's staying for the night."

"Aw man!" Simon whined. "Ya know I don't know how to act around her."

"Act natural," Sam told him, "and be as nice as you can. That's what she needs the most."

"Why are you helping her?" one of Simon's friends asked. "I thought it was her sister you friends with."

"I'll admit that's part of it." Sam's voice became sadder. "Luna was a great friend, and a really great musician. She could've—" Sam stopped her as some more emotion creeped into her voice. "Besides, I hate seeing Luan like that. Her puns could be annoying and her pranks could be bad, but it…it hurts seeing someone who was so vibrant and lively be…like this." There was a pause. "I can't even begin to imagine what it must've felt like. And I don't want to. If I'd come home and found you, Mom and Dad…I have no idea what I'd do. So she needs all the support she can get."

"Okay," Simon and his friends said with uncertainty.

Luan heard Sam leave.

"Uh, should we leave?" some of Simon's friends asked.

"Yeah," Simon replied. "I don't wanna be around Luan any more than I have to be. I mean, I feel sorry for her, but she's still a total downer. Kind of creepy too."

"Hey," the other boy said, "Sam's right. You try seeing THAT, and see what it does to you."

Luan didn't get to hear the rest as they left. Though it wasn't long after that that Sam's parents and someone else came into the living room.

"—not in trouble," the voice of a young man said. "Dad's just having to rearrange his schedule and had to bump payments up. Sorry, but something had to be rearranged and collections seemed easy. At least we're giving you a head's up."

"But we won't have the money in three days," Mr. Sharp said in concern. Even fear.

"Couldn't we get an extension to make up for it?" Mrs. Sharp asked pleadingly.

"I'll talk to Dad and see what I can do," the young man told them. "You have been model clients. You pay up on time or earlier, so we can probably make a deal of some kind. Heck, you're even almost done paying off your debt. That's worth something."

"Oh," Mr. Sharp said, "thank you Mr. Giuseppe!

"Please, Mr. Giuseppe is my dad. I'm Ron. Though let's make this clear: no matter what happens, you better pull through."

"Yes, sir!" Mr. Sharp replied.

"Oh, and another thing: earlier today your daughter gave some of our boys some attitude. We really don't like it when people give our boys attitude."

"W-We'll have a talk with her," Mrs. Sharp told him.

There was a pause. Ron must've been giving them a look for effect. "You better. Because the things went VERY badly for last people who gave us trouble. We had to eliminate the entire family."

Luan's attention went up and she felt some energy go through her. Ron dropped his voice, but she could still hear him.

"I killed twelve people in under half an hour. So four of you shouldn't a problem…"

"Wait…" Mrs. Sharp said in a mix of realization and horror. "Are you talking about the Lou—"

"Oh," Ron replied. "I'm not saying that. I'm just giving you fair warning about what happens to those who displease or defy us. More than those poor bastards and bitches got. So tell your daughter to watch her mouth, and be sure to pay up as soon as possible. You'll be hearing from us soon."

He left. Mrs. Sharp started to cry.

"What are we going—"

Luan didn't stay to hear the conversation. She quietly left the living room and Sharp home. For the first time in a long time she felt more energetic. More focused. An urge to do something. She looked around and saw Ron getting into a shiny, expensive car with two other men. Her mind raced as she noted the way it was facing and where it could be going. Keeping out of sight of the people in it, she ran ahead of it for a short distance. She constantly looked back to where it was. She also looked for something, anything, she could put in the roa—an empty beer bottle. Excellent!

She felt a tingling as her facial muscles as her lips curled up. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, she was…smiling.

She heard the engine and saw the car in the distance. She ran across the road, slowing down enough to lay the bottle in a good place. Then she watched from the other side in the shadows waiting.

The loud pop of the tire as it ran over the bottle was one of the most beautiful sounds she'd ever heard. The car spun around in the road, then came to a stop. She'd hoped it would crash, but oh well. Ron and the other men got out. Ron's livid face made Luan's smile grow. She would've like to have watched as he swore and his friends/lackeys tried to calm him down, but she had to leave. She felt a sensation in her chest and throat and had to get away before he heard her. She frantically looked around for somewhere private as she ran, even as she let out some snorts.

She found a big yard, went over the fence, fell down on her knees, and laughed. Laughed loud and hard. Laughed so much she shook, tears of laughter streamed down her face, her sides hurt, and her throat became dry. She didn't care. This…this was the wonderful feeling she'd had most of her life that she thought she'd never experience again.

"Are you all right, my child?" a raised voice asked over the laughter.

She stopped to look up to see a priest standing over her with a very concerned expression. It was then she realized she in a churchyard.

"Actually, Sir" she told him as she wiped her tears away, "I feel the best I have in a very long time." Her thoughts started to arrange the words. "I was feeling so TIRED and DEFLATED all the time. Now I'm having a laughter BLOWOUT!" she laughed some more. God, how she'd missed puns! Though the reverend didn't seem to notice.

"T-That's very nice," he said with a kind smile, though a little confused.

He was nice enough to stay as she finished. He seemed like a kind man. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well…now that you mention it, could I please use your bathroom? I'm this close to wetting myself. Something to drink would be nice too."

He let her inside and she rushed to the bathroom. He had a cup of water waiting for her when she came out.

"Thank," she told him with a grateful smile. "Now I need to be getting back. The family I'm staying with must be getting worried."

"Would you like to me give you a lift?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No thanks. It's not too far."

As she made her way back to the Sharps she felt like a weight had been lifted off of her. All this time she'd been wallowing in despair when she should've been taking action. The gray haze she'd been in was fading. Now she a purpose. A mission…

She quietly went into the Sharp house to hear yelling.

"…ere bullying her!" Sam shouted. "They probably would've hurt her! I wasn't going to stand for it. Not after all she's been through."

"Normally that would be fine, honey," Mrs. Sharp told her, "if had had been anyone but someone working for the Giuseppes we'd be proud of you. But—"

"Every scumbag in this town works for the Giuseppes!" Sam retorted. "That's why they call it 'organized' crime."

"Sam, please!" Mr. Sharp said with some fear in his voice.

"It's not like they have our house bugged," Sam replied with a snort. "Besides, everyone knows that's what they really are. They're ruining Royal Woods and no one's doing anything about it. Hell, I think some of the cops are in on it. Though what matters is that Luan needed help." She sniffled. "She still needs it. She lost…everything…It has to be so horrible. I wish there was something—anything—to help her." Her voice started to crack. "And…and…and I really miss Luna too…" She tried to keep herself from crying.

Luan quietly went outside, then came back opening the door louder. "Hello?" she called out.

The conversation in the other room stopped as Sam came to greet her with a concerned expression.

"Where have you been?" she asked in concern.

"I'm sorry," Luan replied. "I didn't want to bring things down and went for a walk to clear my head. It finally worked. I had an eppy—epipip—"

"Epiphany?" Mr. Sharp asked.

Luan nodded. "Yeah, one of those. It finally hit me…my family wouldn't want me to live like this. Well…maybe Lucy, but even she'd have her limits. They're all gone…but I'm still here. I need to live my life. I owe it to them carry on."

Sam's eyes were shining as she hugged Luan. "That's wonderful, Luan!"

"Thank you," Luan replied as she hugged the other girl. "For everything. You, the McBrides, the Santiagos, Pop-Pop, Aunt Ruth, even Mr. Grouse. You've all been taking turns taking care of me. You don't even have to as much as the others. Our families weren't that close, but you still see about me when you can. You have to miss Luna dearly too."

Sam nodded as her eyes misted.

"You, Clyde, Margo, little Darcy, Bobby, Ronnie Anne…you all lost someone you care about too. We need to help each other share this burden."

Some tears ran down Sam's face, though she was smiling. She hugged Luan again, stronger this time. Then Luan's stomach growled. There was a pause, then they laughed.

Sam turned to her parents. "Hey—"

"On it!" her father told her as they went into the kitchen.

Later, as Luan helped Mrs. Sharp set the table.

"…Luan?" the older woman said.

"Yes Ma'am?"

Luan could see it on her face. She wanted to tell her what Ron had told her. To let her know the truth about what happened. It quickly changed.

"I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Thanks. So am I."

Later that night as she lay in bed, Luan's mind went through several scenarios for her next move. Ron Giuseppe would pay for what he did her family. His father too. Surely he'd been involved. Besides, they'd done so many bad things they had it coming. Luan smiled as she drifted to sleep. These would be her greatest pranks ever…


	3. Chapter 3

It was late when Kirby pulled into the driveway the Giuseppe's large house and stopped at the front door. In the backseat, Donald Giuseppe checked his watch.  
"Very good, Kirby," he said. "With a few minutes to spare. We will need you again tomorrow morning.  
"Big day, Mr. Giuseppe?" the limo driver asked.  
His employer nodded. "Indeed. I have several considerable business deals coming soon. It's going to be a very busy time for me."  
"Well, good luck."  
"Thank you. And here." Don Giuseppe leaned forward holding some money. "A little something for driving Ronald around since his accident."  
Kirby took the money in gratitude. He'd more than earned this putting up with Ron. Mr. Giuseppe was classy, but his son was just an unpleasant punk. Donald told his driver good night and got out while Kirby started his drive home. At the first red light, a shadowy, hooded figure appeared in the back seat almost out of nowhere.  
"How did you—" Kirby started to ask.  
"I'll ask the questions," the figure said in a strange voice. Probably altered somehow. "Just keep driving until you find a nice, quiet place for us to talk."  
Kirby did as he was told. Who knew if this creep would do, or if he had a knife or a gun?  
"L-Listen," he told the intruder, "if this is about the Giuseppes, I'll tell you anything you want to know."  
"Good. That'll make this easier. And please, tell me everything. No detail is too small, no event is irrelevant. I want to know everything. Even the tiniest scrap of information will help."  
"The figure held his head up and Kirby say under his hood. He almost lost control of the limo. Looking out from under the hood was a mask. The kind stage theatres had of a smiling face and a frowning face…oh yeah, the mask of comedy. But this one had been painted white with red circles on its cheeks like a clown. It was very unsettling.  
Kirby told the intruder everything he knew. He liked Donald Giuseppe, but not that much, Besides, he knew enough to realize that he was working for a bad, dangerous man and was just trying to stay on his good graces. He answered every question the masked man had, even if he didn't know much or didn't get it. It was over an hour before the intruder stopped asking questions.  
""Thank you," he told Kirby. "That should be a good start."  
""A-And I won't tell the Giuseppes about this," the limo driver told him.  
"The intruder laughed. Kirby wasn't sure if it was his real laugh, or thrown or altered like his voice, but it sent shivers down his spine.  
""Oh, you can tell them. Especially if it helps you from getting trouble. You can even tell I threatened you. I don't mind. Heck, I want them to know. Good night." With that he got out.  
"Kirby sat there, his mind reeling. It was no secret that the Giuseppe family and their employees had enemies. But this…this was a new level. He wondered if he should call Donald to warn him, tell him as soon as he saw him again, or wait and see how this played out. In the end he decided he'd stay quiet until he had to tell them. Part him felt like the Giuseppes had it coming, and another part told him he didn't want to get caught up in this...

 *******

Once upon a time, a gentlemen's club meant a place where men of the upper class could just hang out. In many countries it still means that, but in America it's a code word for a strip club because it has a nicer ring to it. So in Royal Woods, the Velvet Hat Gentlemen's Club was considered respectable even though many knew what really happened in there. It wasn't as nice as its name suggested.

As always, it opened after as the sun went down. Customers came in while the women prepared backstage. It looked like just another night of debauchery until…  
"Hey!" a stripper shouted. "My hand's stuck to the pole!"  
Sure enough, she'd been doing a pole dance when her hand suddenly stuck to it. She tried to use her other hand only for it to be stuck too. Another woman got stuck to a pole as well. Even patrons and employees tried to free them, a shout came from one of the private booths.  
"HELP!" a man's voice called out. "I'M STUCK TO THE CHAIR!"  
"Similar calls for help came from the other booths and private rooms.  
Meanwhile at the bar, a man out what he was drinking.  
"What hell is this?!" he snapped at the bartender. "I asked for some of your best. This taste like sewage!"  
"It IS sewage!" the bartender said in revulsion at smelling and looking at the drink.  
More people spat out their drinks and the bartender checked to fine that all the wine and beer had somehow been replaced by raw sewage.  
Confusion and panic broke out in the Velvet Hat as people tried to help those who were stuck and the bar patrons got mad. The Velvet Hat Gentleman's club was forced to close not even half an hour after opening.

"How did this happen?" Donald Giuseppe asked, frowning at the Velvet Hat's manager.  
The oily man in a cheap suit was trembling. "S-Someone managed to break a lock, sir. J-Just before opening time. We got 'em on camera, but it ain't much."  
"Show me."  
Donald Giuseppe made sure the Velvet Hat had good security cameras. Not only for security purposes, but to keep track of more high-profile patrons for…lucrative reasons. Not enough of them to scare people from coming, but enough to know what happened. The intruder on the footage wore a black hooded shirt and was smart enough not to face the camera. He took the bottles cans from the bar and replaced them with ones of his own, then put applied an adhesive to the poles and private areas. Don was fairly impressed. Whoever did this had used just enough clear glue to keep from people noticing it was there, and at the right time before it hardened and stopped being sticky. Plus, it had to take real determination to go the sewers or cesspool to get that liquid.  
When the intruder was done, he actually looked up at one of the cameras. The hood obscured his features, but he gave the camera a big smile. Though he tipped himself by revealing he had braces.  
"Bold," Donald remarked. "Ronald should see this."  
Donald went to get his son. He went to the back room, following the sound of a loud smacking sound.  
"YOU HAD ONE JOB!" Ron's voice rang out in anger. "ONE JOB! HOW THE HELL DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!"  
p"Please, I'm sorry!" came the tearful response. "I swear, I called as soon as I saw the broken lock!"  
"It shouldn't have been broken at all!" Ron yelled, followed by another whack.  
Donald entered the backroom. The battered bouncer was being held by two men while Ronald stood before him, wearing brass knuckles.  
"That's enough, Ronald," the elder Giuseppe told his son. "He's had enough."  
"C'mon, dad!" Ron whined. "This stupid asshole let some punk screw with the Hat!"  
"'Let' is such a strong word," Donald told him. "I'm certain he didn't intend for this to happen."  
"O-Of course not!" exclaimed the bruised, burly man. "Hell, it must've happened just before I came in."  
Donald nodded. "Possibly. Whoever did this clearly put a lot of thought into this. Speaking of which, Ron, I'd like you to look at the surveillance footage and see what you think."  
What about him?" Ron asked, nodding to the bouncer.  
"He's suffered enough. This is only his first failure. Let this be a warning to him if something like this ever happens again."  
"Yes sir!" the bouncer almost shouted, nodding his head. "I swear I'll be a better guard from now on!"  
"That's all I ask. Come, Ronald."  
Ron's frown grew and his face turned red as he watched the security footage. "That bastard," he hissed. "He's screwing with us!"  
"Though he was foolish enough to reveal he has braces," Donald told him.  
"So?" Ron asked. "That's not much to go on."  
"Perhaps, but we have our first clue to his or even her identity."  
Ron shrugged. "If you say so, Dad…"  
"Before the conversation could continue, Donald's phone rang.  
"Hello?" he asked.  
The voice that replied was mechanically altered. "Good evening, Don Giuseppe! How are you? I heard you got into a STICKY situation! HAHAHAHAHA!"  
"Ah. Your handiwork, I suppose?"  
"Aaw, you guessed. Though I may as well BARE the truth? Get it?"  
Donald rolled his eyes. Just what he needed: a saboteur with a thing for puns. "If you think this will hurt me or even raise my ire, you are sadly mistaken. I've had worse incidents happen at my other gentlemen's clubs in other cities. Why, even far worse establishments mine have been able to survive much worse than this. This won't even make the local news. Word may spread, but it'll just be stories and rumors."  
"Oh, this was just for fun. It's only the beginning. Just a TEASE of what's to come. My future pranks will be grander and more hurtful than this!"  
"Pranks, is it?" Donald asked with some amusement. "I feel I should warn you, you are messing with a very dangerous adversary."  
p"So are you," the voice retorted, becoming more serious. "I will not rest until I've made you pay. You will suffer."  
"You wouldn't be the first to try," Donald retorted. "I have had people try to ruin or end me for decades. I imagine there is little you can do others haven't tried and more."  
"That's what you think…"  
"Ron gestured to have the phone and Donald handed it to him. "Listen, you braces wearing bastard!" Ron snapped. "I don't know what you think you're going to do, but when we find you there won't even be a body to hide! No one screws with one of our clubs and gets away with it. Let alone someone stupid enough to say there's more coming!"  
"Eh, fair enough," the voice replied. "We'll see who finishes who." With that the caller hung up.  
"UGH!" Ron snarled. "I think I hate this ass-hat already."  
"Yes," Donald replied. "It seems I've made a new enemy."  
Ron calmed down as he finally smiled. An evil smile. "And we know what happens to them…"

Luan turned off the voice distorter and hung up the disposable phone. She had their attention. Good. She wanted them to know she was coming, just as her family had dreaded April Fool's Day. She looked at the board she'd made of their operations, wondering which to hit first. The Velvet Hat had been the easiest. The rest would be much harder. Even more dangerous. She didn't mind. She was going to everything she could to thwart the Giuseppe's criminal empire, and then finally end them…/span/p


End file.
